


Breathing in Harmony

by wickedblackbird



Series: Deanna Winchester [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Introspection, girl!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:43:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedblackbird/pseuds/wickedblackbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They don't even need words to communicate most of the time - Dean has spent her whole life looking out for Sammy, and he has spent his whole life in her care.</p>
<p>girl!Dean, part of my Deanna Winchester universe. This is kind of a companion to "Girl Became a Man", from Sam's perspective instead of John's. Basically, it's Sam thinking about his relationship to Dean. This would be around the end of his senior year in high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathing in Harmony

Sometimes Sam is not entirely sure where Dean ends and he begins. When they sleep (one bed for both, because dad will never pay for more than one motel room) they always wake tangled together, breath harmonized so that when one of them breathes in, the other breathes out. It's been that way for as long as he can remember and Sam knows that nothing will ever get him because Dean has him.

His sister is the one constant in every memory he has - memories that are categorized by geography, by hunt, and by Dean because nothing else works. The poltergeist just outside of Atlanta is bookmarked as the place Dean got a broken wrist; the Chupacabra in southern New Mexico when Dean put Nair in his shampoo; the dead journalist in Chicago is when he and Dean snuck out to the all-night horror movie festival. Every smirk, prank and bad rock song is carefully cross-referenced to never be forgotten because everything else eventually fades in the dust behind the Impala.

The way they move in a hunt always seems to emphasize the illusion of them being connected. He and Dean can double-team monsters like nothing else - attuned to the motion of the other with the same simple harmony as when they sleep. Every time one falters, the other steps in. They have so many opposing characteristics, from their style of fighting to their taste in music, but the differences only ever seem to make them stronger. Together, they're a complete unit that even their father approves of, and Sam will never worry with Dean at his back.

He knows a lot of things about her that might not be noticed by anyone else. Like how Dean prefers knives to guns because she likes her fights to be visceral, but she'd always use a gun if it would guarantee Sam's safety. Or how she slept with the blonde girl with the soft smile in Connecticut, and the sarcastic creole boy in New Orleans. He knows that she mostly wears sports bras, but that there's one that's lacy and red in the bottom of her duffle bag. He knows that she's never more serious than when she's joking, and that she'll always (despite being smaller at this point) beat him at hand-to-hand combat.

They don't even need words to communicate most of the time - Dean has spent her whole life looking out for Sammy, and he has spent his whole life in her care. They're attuned to each other's needs pretty well and no matter how much Dean jokes about Sam's need for 'chick moments', she has no issue holding him tight when the darkness in the night threatens to overwhelm him. She smells like leather and sweat and wild roses, and that smell is always going to mean home to him.

Sam knows for sure that he will always come first for Dean, even before their father. For all that the knowledge is special and wonderful, sometimes he feels terrible about it. Like the time in Springfield when Dean had done all the research on four hauntings herself so Sam could use the library time to write his research paper; or the time that Dean had convinced their dad to stay the extra week in Salem so Sam could be in the school play, even though Dad had increased her chores as a result of the impertinence. There have always been a string of times over the years that Dean has defended him and taken his punishments - increasingly often now as he pulls further and further away, and Dean struggles to bridge the gap.

This is the first time that Sam has done something to separate himself from Dean, and it frightens and exhilarates him all at once. She's the yin to his yang, and he hopes that their balance would work even if not always together. He doesn't want to lose the way things are between them but, looking at the letter in his hand, he knows that there's something he has to try and hopes she'll understand. Most of all, he wonders if he'll be able to sleep in California without the warm smell of wild roses.


End file.
